Loss Can Cause Divorce
Losing a great deal of weight can disrupt relationships.
You are changing every day, and you may find that your friends or
spouse are unwilling or unable to change in the relationship along
subscriber of my newsletter sent me this story and his permission to
reprint about how his weight loss affected his marriage in a tragic
way. Please keep in mind that losing weight changes many
things in your life, some of which may not be so good.
how are you?
In response to your book excerpt on relationships...... How true it
is!!!!!! This cannot be emphasized enough!
all of my friends are ecstatic so far at my progress. My wife
however, has filed for divorce. Though her words said she supported
me in my surgery, passive aggressive behavior escalated steadily
from the time I decided to have surgery on January 2, 2001 right up
to the time I had it on March 6th, 2001.
were many escalations in arguments that were unexplainable. Even
while I was in the hospital, helpless on my back and in tremendous
pain, she wanted to argue with me in an ever escalating and hostile
way about "her issues" and anger, with me.
let me ask you, do you think if there was just one time in your life
that a spouse might consider putting something on hold, this might
be it? You know, where a just sliced and diced individual could
maybe focus on themselves and their recovery from a 1/200 mortality
it didn't happen that way for me. My wife fought with me right in
the hospital; blaming me for pretty much all of the problems in her
or our life that she didn't like or want to address.
this time, I have lost 130 lbs. and am continuing to get a little
better every day. Since then however, threats of divorce from her
have dominated our lives until 3 weeks ago when she finally moved
out of the bedroom and stated her final intentions to file.
should be aware, that knowing how dependent we are as obese members
of society, some people attach themselves to us for just that
reason. Itís rarely apparent at first, and motives vary from situation to
situation. But attaching yourself to a fat person can give you a lot
of power and control, for they are often times dependent on those
closest to them for many things in life that others take for
granted. This sets up a power dynamic in the relationship, which is
based on need and is often indisputable.
can bring much comfort and a strange kind of security to those who
are in the position of power. Likewise, when one of the partners is
morbidly obese and there is another addiction or serious emotional
problem in the other spouse, changes of this magnitude and rapidity
are NOT welcome, despite what the spouse may say outwardly.
morbid obesity of an individual is often times a cheap and easy
target for scapegoating, blaming and defocusing on the non-obese
spouse's own problems. The rapid changes that occur in a
bariatric surgery patient's lifestyle can, and often do upset the
apple cart in a rather explosive way.
the " identified patient" quickly regains their health and
self-esteem with the results of surgery, the other spouse often
panics and can explode in too violent rages of finger pointing,
blame and emotional abandonment. After all, while one individual's
glaring problem is becoming less visible, the other's problems are
subject to becoming quite a bit more glaring. A scared and
intimidated spouse will more than likely leave. Mine did.
people need to be aware of the structure of the glue that
holds their marriage together. If itís a good marriage, it will
very possibly get much better! But if it is a marriage whose
structure, consciously or unconsciously, is built on the foundation
of dependency and assured power arrangements, ........beware. You
are in for some difficult challenges in your relationship as the
balance of power changes while you get well.
stock of your life before you commit yourself. Make the necessary
changes or arrangements, put your affairs in order, and
then........ Get the surgery and live life
the way everyone else gets to!! To the fullest!!
God bless and go for